4 reasons to immediately stop rejecting positive feedback
Photo by Seth Doyle on Unsplash
At any stage of our career, we are always looking for feedback. More specifically, we are looking for constructive feedback. We all want to comprehend what we are doing wrong and the areas we need to improve on. The desire for constructive feedback amplifies when you have imposter syndrome or are a perfectionist, or both.
However, there is a solid argument to direct most of your energy focusing on your strengths and shoring up your weakness, rather than ignoring your natural capabilities to concentrate on your fault. To describe this in another way, if you are naturally good at maths and analytical work, you need less energy to be very good at analytical work than at creative work. This doesn't mean you can't be good at different things. It just means you would need to invest more time, energy and effort.
Most career progress comes from people being exceptional at what you do. The recognition of this performance leads to progression. So, the question is,
Why are we ignoring the positive feedback so often?
Whether I am the one that is issuing the positive feedback, or I am listening to someone else give it. The majority of the time, the responses sound almost defensive. My personal favourite is the "Thanks.... BUT .....". Before they go on to tell me their flaws, or what could have been better or some comparison to someone else, you can almost hear the whooshing noise the compliment made as it flew by. With so many articles teaching people how to give feedback, there are not enough on listening to it.
Here is a list of four reasons you need to stop ignoring positive feedback.
One. You can't self reflect if you aren't listening. When you are receiving a compliment, there are two parts. The part that is spoken and there more detailed underlying message. When you are too busy ignoring the story, you never give yourself the mental space to reflect on the feedback. When did it get noticed? What made this time particular enough for someone to speak up? Did you do something different? Many other questions will come to mind that will help you digest the situation and the feedback. To capitalise on your strength, you want to understand the nuances that move you from great to exceptional.
Two. Being too quick to discount the feedback. You assume they are being nice and probably say the same thing to everyone. Generally, some people give empty praise. But it is still in your best interest to take a moment and consider who is giving you the feedback and why.
Don't move into defensive mode and start telling them that they are wrong, and you could perform better. Don't dilute it and say that it is not a big deal. Doing this is not suitable for your mindset.
If you are still cynical, take the time to ask them questions. Ask what made this presentation different to my previous one? What is one thing that I should continue doing? Continue the conversation to get a better understanding and reassurance that it was not an empty statement. More importantly, you may learn something new about yourself.
Three. Don't be your own worst anchor. If the only voice you can hear is negative, it becomes increasingly difficult to feel confident. In the book The confidence code by Kathy Kay, she defined confidence as "Confidence is believing so strongly that you can do something that you're driven to do it". Confidence is based on mastery that you can do something and have worked hard and pushed through difficulties.
Confidence is not the loudest person in the room. It is your ability to offer an opinion or make a decision and the people around you will pay attention. Even with quiet confidence, you will speak with more credibility.
Outward confidence isn't the essential type. Listening to feedback and reducing your negativity will give you inner confidence. Inner confidence reminds you that you have mastered something, and that means you can master new things too. It reduces the energy spent listening to "I could have done X Y Z better" repeatedly. Leaving more time to focus on new challenges
Four. Assume they are right. Even if it is for a minute. Before you get all defensive before you tell yourself the 28 items you missed, absorb the feedback. Reply with appreciation they took the time to share it. Allow yourself a favourable moment to feel you did a good job and deserved the positivity.
Over time this will start to reframe your mindset. We are too sensitive to the negatives and overlook the positives too often. Accepting the compliment will release dopamine in your brain, which is vital for mental health.
Accepting positive feedback doesn't stop you from improving further
In Summary, we strive to achieve balance in many aspects of our lives. Taking a moment to accept the positive feedback and making a list of things you can improve provides balance. Understanding what makes you great and investing in those areas while having a positive mindset will help your carer and general well-being.
Opinions expressed are solely my own and do not represent the views or opinions of my employer.